I'm sorry your life turned out so hard, Eugene.

10-31-2007

Before bed tonight, Kara informed me that Spongebob has a little vagina.

That will be all.

This morning, bright and early (like before 8am early) Kara decides to wake up. I didn't want to wake up! So I tell her the woozles are still wandering around the house and she needs to go back to sleep so they'll go away. and she did. We ended up getting out of bed around 9. After watching a little Spongebob, I thought it'd be nice to fix a decent breakfast. I cooked up bacon, rolls and eggs. Yes, rolls. I didn't have the stuff for biscuits. I made her go wake her Daddy up and we all sat down to eat. I took a few bites of egg. It was cold. The bacon was cold. The rolls were cold. I got up to go heat it up a bit. Ahh nice n toasty now. As I sat down, Kara started to gag on her bacon. Gag, gag, spit out then puke. Puked all over herself, the floor, her chair and some on the table. I grab her up and haul her off to the tub to get washed up. On the way out of the bathroom, she sneezed on my shirt and left speckles of pink vomit on me. I change clothes. By the time I'm done with all this, Casey has finished eating and is watching television. I start cleaning puke. That took about 20 minutes to get it all wiped up from the hard surfaces and steam sucked from the carpet. Everything was clean! Then I hear "You gonna finish eating?" No. No, I'm not. Usually something like this wouldn't have bothered me. But thanks to MHGL and that very enlightening video of 2girls1cup that he showed me, I was unable to finish my breakfast. Goddamn you internet! That video has been burned into my eyes! So it's true! Be careful of the links MHGL send you because some things you just cannot unsee.

Today was one of those magical days at the dentist office. I'm positive my appointment was at 9:20am but it somehow got changed to 8:30am. No matter, I was there at 8:45AM so that was right in between being a little early and a little late. I went on back to the scary room as soon as I got there. "Would you like the nitrous?" Well, hell yeah. Although I do remember getting that when I was a kid and peeing myself in the dentist chair so I was a little paranoid about that. She put it on me and 5 minutes later I didn't care if I laid there and died. She handed me the controller to the TV and told me to enjoy while they finish getting things set up. I saw that Starz was listed on the line up of channels. I went through every movie looking for ANYTHING that may have a boob in it. Not because I wanted to look at boobs, but that's such a nice place, I thought that maybe they all needed to see one. I found some, clicked the channel and it wasn't available. Neither was G4TV. So I watched the Brady Bunch. The dentist started working on my mouth after I was numb and it wasn't bad at all. I was having 2 teeth done; root canal on one, and filling replacement/crowning on another. I was scheduled to be there for 5 hours so they were going to give me little breaks every now and then. And boy did I need them. I had a total of 3 pee breaks. Two of the times I went to the bathroom were right after someone else went in there to poo. I didn't care. It was when I got back from my second break that I made an amazing discovery! Well, two discoveries! One was that the chair had a back massager and the other was music channels on TV. So I found a nice techno station. Nitrous+massager+techno=party in my mouth. It was nice.. Until it happened.. You know, flatulence. Then it was like la dee daa, feels nice, wow what was that, then OMG *squeeze*. Talk about ruining a good time. No, I never actually did it, but I got real damn close. After all was done, I was sad to have to leave my nitrous bottle behind but glad to get out of there. And now that the numbness has about worn off, I'm really sore. Oh and on top of that, I wasn't able to get the root canal completely finished because my root was bent in some strange way. (If I was a man, that would be funnier.) So anyway, I have to make an appointment for an endodontist(sp) for next week to get it finished out. Oh fucking joy. I called them to make an appointment and get it over with and their bitchy answering service told me to call back Monday. I can barely drive down the driveway and now they want me to drive to Monroe? Sheesh. And that's all I can think of right now.

Well, I'll fix that right quick with the latest amusing story about Kara. Yesterday, at nap time, she slept in the bed with her Daddy. I figure if she gets up and starts to ramble around, he'll hear her and send her back here to me. Nope. He didn't hear a thing. I finally heard something stirring around back there and peeked in to check. He was snoring. She was rambling in the bathroom. I walked in there to get her and quietly bring her to the TV so Casey could sleep longer. I stood there and stared at her for a few long seconds before asking her what she was doing. Here's how it went:

Me: Kara, what are you doing there?
Kara: Having a birthday party..
Me: For whom?
Kara: Spongebob.

What she was REALLY doing was playing in shampoo and conditioner. I mean half a bottle of conditioner squirted alllllllll around the bath tub then smeared in big swirlies. She was covered in it from head to belly button. She then had a bath and everything cleaned up easily so no harm done. It was still slightly amusing to me because I don't know how she came up with having a birthday party in the first place.

Another thing that I've been thinking of tonight was why did she tell me earlier 'don't set Molly-Moo on fire'. and I finally figured out why she said that to me. Some time over the course of the day, I was trying to get Molly to do something and I told her "Hurry dog, before I put a fire under your butt". Maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. I now know that one day while we're in public, Kara will say something about me burning the fucking dog. I guess I'll really have to start watching what I say. Kids can't help it that they take things so literally.

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