I'm sorry your life turned out so hard, Eugene.

Shopping

2012-05-13T14:17:03Z

Have I told you lately how much I hate shopping? Well, I do. Especially at Wal*mart. So yesterday I had to make a quick run to town because I needed Mother's Day cards. and food. OK. The shorts/pants I wore were a bit on the tight side. My panties couldn't get comfortable so I decided to just go commando and I made a mental note to replenish my thong collection while I was there. So here I am, with Andy, pushing my ass off and feeling slight wind on my crack. Paranoia hit so I'm constantly pulling my pants up. After I got a few necessities, like cookies, I make my way to the panty aisle. It was packed. Maybe people give their Moms underwear as a gift or something. Anyway, I didn't shop around and just grabbed a 3 pack hanging near by. I kinda felt like a HO. I had to back out and go down the huge bra aisle to get to the checkout. I nearly stop and choke. There, right in front of me, was a woman I've been trying to avoid for months. She was the xxxxxxxx xxxxxxx woman that wanted to talk to me about household yelling a few weeks back. (No, we don't yell much.It was for yelling in general. I wasn't the target.Or was I??damn her.) She was staring intently at a big bra. I had to make my escape quick! So I used the cart as a skateboard and sailed behind her and into the clothing section. I was free! I make my way to the checkout asap. The lines were huge. I find one and stand without looking at anyone. While I was there, a couple of um..um.. 'out-of-countryers' got inline behind me. They were friendly enough. I got paranoid again listening to them talk in that foreign language. They looked entirely too happy. I don't think these guys could have acted all DOOM and GLOOM if they tried. Finally the cashier started getting my stuff put in bags. I was loading everything in the cart so it would be out of my heathen's reach. I turn to get the next bag and the bitch is standing there, my thongs held up in the air. It was like when Mufassa presented Simba for the first time? And do you know what she asked me?? DO YOU?? She said," Do you want the hanger?" Why the fuck would I want to hang up my panties? She shoulda known and just put them in the fucking bag without even asking. So now, the 'out-of-countryers' are looking at me grinning. WTF. So, I couldn't let this checker know she had embarrassed me. I do the first thing that comes to mind. I waggle my fucking eyebrows. wtf? WTF? I quickly left the store. tossed kid and bags in the car and get the hell outta there before anyone can see what I'm driving.Then I see I have no gas. I mean, red-line in the negatives. There's no way I'm stopping locally so I keep going. All the way home and remember I forgot about the gas. So I'm I'm on E. BUT I have panties.

My Things Are Broken

2012-04-14T16:56:44Z

Andy can finally open child-locked cabinets. Instead of going for the food cabinets, he went for the sink cabinets. I already got all the cleaner and 'skull and bones' marked things out and just left the plastic Walmart trashbags and a few other things that need to be trashed. Except I left the dishwasher cubes behind. So I hear gagging and choking coming from the kitchen and go see what he's found. He's standing there red faced with white sprinkles all over his face and clothes.He tried to eat two. It looked like the first one wasn't good enough so he grabbed another. After a few minutes of slobbering and vomiting, he's given some water. He's fine, thanks. Sometimes I feel guilty about not calling Poison Control and asking them what to do. We've all had our mouths' washed out with soap before but maybe soap with Oxyclean is a little different. But no harm done it seems.

The Great Outdoors

2012-03-14T04:01:04Z

Effing hate it. I can't breathe. My jaw hurts. My eyeball hurts. I've had so much snot drainage that my stomach hurts. I think I'd be pretty happy to never set foot outside again.

Sweet

2012-02-27T16:08:34Z

This morning I gave Andy his morning bowl of dry Cheerios. Most ended up on the floor. I picked them up and handed them to him when he would walk by. I found a stray one 20 minutes later and offered it to him. He smiled and looked so happy. Then he dug in his mouth and pulled out a soggy Cheerio. He put it in my hand next to the other Cheerio and made me close my hand around it. Then he forced my hand open, snatched both Cheerios, rubbed them on his face and ate them while walking away. By this time, they were both covered in snot. He loved 'em.

Horrible Night

2011-08-19T14:57:08Z

Sleep came easy but my gawd was it horrifying. In no particular order, here's what I remember.

I said I was moving. I didn't care to where. I just left. I ended up naked in Illinois. I don't know why, but I tried swimming through a watery crop. It had pretty shrubby plants that had what looked like tiny watermelons as fruit. But when I touched the fruit, they grew in size and had spikes poke out. So while I was swimming, I was getting cut by all the spikes. I finally got to land and decided to ask people for help. I was hanging from a board, still naked, asking them for clothes. The couple gave me clothes and I started out on my journey again. In a backyard I made it to, there was a tiny rhino with a tiny ostrich on its head. They were both abandoned by their moms and turned to each other for company. I wanted to feed them but had nothing. I kept wondering why the people didn't feed them. Then I saw a small enclosure with two giraffes, a yellow kitten and a monkey. The giraffe saw a bug and tried to stomp it, narrowly missing the kitten who was now curled in a defenseless ball. Then the monkey... The goddamned MONKEY grabbed the kitten and started cracking his skull apart. I was covering my ears so I couldn't hear. While my hand were up, it started stuffing bits of the skull into my mouth. Just cramming these, hot, bloody bones in my mouth. Finally when there was no skull left, I ran. I started spitting the bones out. It felt like the sharp edges were tearing my mouth open. I said "Yeah, I'll go back." Dunno wtf that was about.

It was horrible. I don't want to sleep anymore.

Another Month Has Passed

2011-08-09T15:22:03Z

It's been a rather quiet month. Kara's birthday was in June. Six years old.. Can you believe that? In a decade she'll be driving and probably doing other things I try not to think about. If you ask her how old she is,she'll tell you 5. She refuses toturn 6.OK..my spacebar is broken so whatever space is left out, I won't be replacing. Anyway-6- refuses.. All because every year I tell her,"THIS!! This yearright here will be the year you start sleeping in your own bed. When you are SIX, you're evicted from the mommy bed." There'sbeen one time that she told someone she was 6.It was a few days ago at a jewelry party she and I mistakenly went to. A little boy, who said he was 5, started taking to her. She told him "Well,I'm SIX." That was her way of telling him to fuck off. Oh,and the jewelry party was a mistakebecause I spent $150.. I got 2 necklaces and 2 bracelets... for $150. Not my smartest moment.

What else?? Oh the good doc called me 27 days ago to tellme I had high cholesterol. He explained that mine level 272 and something about a 4.3 andsomething else about Zocor. What I heard was "CHOLESTEROLOLOLOL". So add that to my list of ailments.

We went to Monroe yesterday to get schoolclothes. They're much cheaper atAcademy. I even got a new pair of shoes. They're exactly the same as my old shoes. The dog chewed my old ones up coupleyears ago. Then wewentto fucking IHOP. Again.They had this new ham/egg/cheese sammach thing that was the bomb diggity. I told them to put a fried egg on it and not scrambled. Holy hell it was awesome. I didn't see chicknwaffles of the menu this time so I guess they are done with that. Everytime we go to that place,someone ends up crying. Kara smacked the fuck out of her head again the wall behind us. ThenCasey smashed Andy's leg against the table when we were getting up to leave. He probably has a bruise there now. And somehow,I managed to pull a muscle in my neck. That made getting comfy to sleeplast night damn near impossible. I'd havetolay oneway so my back wouldn't hurt and when I'dget thatpart feeling nice, it pulled on my neck. Shit night, I tell ya.

Can't think of much else.Andy has been army-crawling for about a month too. He's a quick little thing on the ground. He's also getting his first two bottom teeth. Yay for teething babies.

And this is all. I can't think of anything else to say. :|

I reeeeally don't wanna forget this!

2011-07-24T13:36:04Z

i WAS ON VACATION. And I have a caplock key too. Anyway- vacation. I was staying at the old house. I must really need to get away if I think about going on a trip to that shithole. When I got there, it was still in the same bad shape as it is now except it was filled with things. I found an old aquarium with fish still swimming in it. I was amazed that it had become something like a working/balanced ecosystem. Everything ate what was made in there; algae, bugs, etc., and everything lived. but since they were old, they looked horrible. I scooped them all out and put them in a measuring cup to bring home when my vacation was over. As I was walking around in the living room, I saw a colorful (orange and pink) baby bird. Maybe it was a baby kitten. It was really swelled up like it had a huge pimple on its' butt. I squeezed it and stuff started coming out. The kitty looked relieved. I started to squeeze out more and it hot out like a.. like a.. like a huge cartoon pimple would. And then something amazing happened! Baby birds came slipping out through the pimple hole. They were cartoonish and ugly. Some even had bucked teeth. Since I had obviously killed the mamma (baby) cat, I had to feed them. I fed them some of the goo/egg yolk stuff that thy slipped out of. They smiled at me. As I started to pick them up, water came and washed them through cracks in the floor.

gotta hit high points here so I can go.. Andy's ready to do something..

Had huge boxes of brand new toys. I kept saying I had no idea where they came from. Porcupine on a stick.

also lots of (100's) or the same kind of grubby baby clothes I had been collecting for years. You wanted some. I told you I had starwars themed jammies if you wanted them too.

Cats staring at me. Creaking chair. Strangers' kids sleeping in a bed.

next;

Dr house made my bed go way high up in the air. There was red paint all over a room.

Self-induced Nightmares

2011-07-02T18:10:56Z

I've been looking for a book to read lately. I can never find anything appealing so I always go back to the ones I've read before. And this time I chose Swan Song. I've bought the paperback twice and finally the Kindle version so I'm on my third time reading it. It is creepy as fuck. I knew it would give me bad dreams before I even started, and if you can keep a secret, I'll tell you what I did for most of the night.. See, I usually hide under the cover and read on my phone like a little kid. But last night, I slept with the lamp on and nothing really super scary has even happened yet! I'd poke my arm in the bathroom to flick on the light before I'd even walk in. And the night before last as I was laying in bed looking at the lights behind my eyes, they (the lights) swirled together and made a face with red eyes. It started talking to me and I remember thinking 'holy shit' and then I came back to the surface from where ever I was. I guess the easy thing to do would be to stop reading but I can't. I have to finish it. Again. For the third time.

5am

2011-06-29T09:58:12Z

I tried going to bed at 1130pm. As soon as I thought that, Andy woke up. Got him back to sleep around 1. Then I woke up around 230. I was dreaming about 4-wheelers, swamps, huge spiders crawling on me and water-carpet. (Last night I dreamed I was crawling away from a tornado and saw Neil Patrick Harris holding open a school door for people to hide.) Then I went back to sleep. 4am, Andy wakes up again. So here I am, at 5am, wanting to vomit from being so tired.I wish I had about 16 hours a week to sleep when I wanted. Be it a few naps or just a day in bed snoozing all day.

Well, time to try again. I don't know why I'm going to bother. at 7am, we'll just be right back up.

Dreeeeaaaams

2011-05-26T17:51:43Z

I'm not sure if it's the increased mega-dose of blood pressure drugs I have to take at night or if it's the benadryl/vicodin combo but something is seriously frickin' around with me head.Last night, I had this cut.. No, it huge RIP from the inside of my thigh, around to the back of my calf and ending at my ankle. Come to think of it, that's the same place where I feel nerve pains n stuff. Anyway. It was huge. I didn't want to run to the doctor so I put Elmer's glue all over it. So I now had this bloody, sticky, dirty leg. I think I finally told someone I'd go to the ER to get stitched up soon enough.

The other dreams have just been so weird. I can remember pieces of them during the day but now they escape my mind. I should start making note of them soon after I have them.

What else has happened that I don't want to forget.. Kara had a end of school party. She wanted me to bounce in the jumpers they had. So, I swallowed my pain and did it. One jump and tiny kindergarteners flew all the inside of the bouncer. Fat Mamma's shouldn't get in bounce houses with children. She also graduated kinnygarden and got Student of the Year. There's was one boy and one girl chosen for this. This means she never got in trouble, passes all of her tests, did all homework and plays well with others. I was so proud of her.

Andy's growing. He still has a whopsided head but hopefully that will fix itself. He can roll over now but usually will just lay there and bitch until someone picks him up. I'm trying to wean him off the boob this month. He's down to three boobs a day. omg it hurtsssss. I figure 6 months is a good enough time to switch to formula.He should have already gotten the benefits/immune stuff from me by now.

Bella got bit by a snake a few weeks ago. It was pretty gross.

I haven't had a dishwasher for ages. I think I miss it. The house is never clean anymore. Andy doesn't want to be put down and it can be pretty painful for me to try to clean and carry at the same time.

My back feel A LOT better but still not great. Sometimes my legs will still go numb but not near as often as it used to. I'm down to 1 1/2 to 2 vicodin a day now. Three on days we have to shop/clean/walk a lot though so it all evens out. Good days are good - bad days are horrible.

I'm finally getting my blood pressure under control. Well, sort of. The doc told me since I'm only 34 (HAHAH ONLY 34!) and weigh 128, that there's probably something else causing the HBP other than just HBP. So, in the next few months, he wants to check for renal stenosis and adrenal tumors. Yay more tests. I'm so sick of doctor. I'm on Procardia 60mg every morning and 90mg every night. It's gone from 170's/100's to 130's/80's. Maybe I'm safe from a stroke for a little while longer.

And that's all I can think of now since Kara decided to come talk to me about her tadpoles having green water and wondering if crabs would eat them. And now she's asking if she can have a fish tank and a hamster to put in her room if she starts to sleep in her room. Boy this girl can talk.

Naps

2011-03-02T21:50:39Z

If you have a new baby, you don't get much sleep so you tend to take as many naps as possible. Even if you're not sleepy, you still nap because you know it's going to be a long and shitty night. Sometimes these naps lead to dreams. And my dreams can be a wonderfully scary place. Dreams about a lion trying to tear the skin off my stomach and the only thing keeping him from it is my hands pushing on his nose. I call out for help and noone comes. They just keep walking. And this was in a big place with lots of folks milling around. I even called "Mamma, he's trying to eat my skin! Please help!" and she didn't. I finally got away from him when I made it to a door and shut myself away. Then I was able to jump into movie portals. Movie portals that my husband told me not to go to. A place where people had hollow faces and no eyes. And I just keep portaling to other movies that were equally as horrible.

A quick look at the dream interpretation site:

Lion:

To see a lion in your dream, symbolizes great strength, courage, aggression and power. You will overcome some of your emotional difficulties. As king of the jungle, the lion also represents dignity, royalty, leadership, pride and domination. You have much influence over others. You also need to exercise some restraint in your own personal and social life.

To dream that you are attacked by a lion, suggests that a force may be driving you to self-destruction. You need overcome these challenges and obstacles.

Step back folks, I'm about to self-destruct!

Imagination

2011-02-28T15:54:51Z

Of course I had to make a trip to town yesterday. On the way there, Kara told me all about the house she's going to build when she's a grown up. It's going to have two floors. The bottom floor will have hard floors so all of her dogs, cats and birds can stay there and if they pee on the floor it'll be easy to clean up. Smart thinking. She's also going to have a room that's a HUGE salt water aquarium that we can swim in. It's going to be loaded with Nemo fish. On the second floor, there will be nothing but ice for her penguins. Where's she going to build this? Right beside my house. They'll be connected by a door so she can visit me and I won't be alone. This is when I ask her "Why am I going to be living alone?" Her simple answer was "Because I'm going to marry Daddy! DUH!" I think she started feeling sorry for me after she said that because me and Andy could live with her too so we wouldn't be sad. So there's going to be this extravagant animal house connected to my shabby doublewide. Oh and she's going to decorate her front yard with flowers. When I said I'd like that because it would be my front yard too, she told me it wouldn't be. She said she'd tell everyone I lived somewhere else. How sweet. I'll be the hidden mother.

trying from phone

2011-02-24T03:24:09Z

I wonder if there's an app for this. Cant get anyrhibg to sjoe in the msin body. Hopefully an app with a apell checjrt. Tehe

It's Been a While

2011-02-23T06:03:09Z

And while my life is still as uninteresting as it's always been, I thought maybe it's time for me to start writing my stuff down so I can remember a little more. It's amazing how easy it is to forget something. I'll go into more detail later about what's been happening to me this past year. Meanwhile, this is my latest project I'm trying to make:

Owl Hat

Craziness

2009-08-10T05:37:52Z

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Every dream has at least 1 snake in it. I'm either pregnant with a snake or saving Kara from a snake. Now if I had to interpret my own dreams, I'd say that if I had another child, it would be hell on Kara. And dreams of tunnels that lead to shacks or snakes. And then I stop to eat a fried squid. Then I put the squid back in a fish tank so it can live. Somehow ending up in a house loaded with TnT. Eventually it explodes and I start running from it trying to make it to a house with a swimming pool so I can stay underwater as the flames pass over me.,. Strange dreams. Maybe that's what makes me so tired during the day.