I'm sorry your life turned out so hard, Eugene.

wlwriter installation

Harry Potter owl. Harry Potter broom. Harry Potter dragon. Harry Potter ears. Harry Potter mouse. Harry Potter tee-tee. Harry Potter pants. Harry Potter ball. Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter...
That's about all I ever hear around here. Maybe I should edit the entire Harry Potter movie and put educational television as the audio so it makes it look like Harry Potter's smart and learning his ABC's. Otherwise, my child is going to grow up thinking she can cast spells. When she turns 11, how am I going to explain to her she will not be getting an invitation to Hogwarts? I STILL haven't received MY letter. Apparently, we are nothing but muggles.

This morning we had another trip to Walmart. They come so often. Kara refused to go unless she could wear 3 (three) pairs of panties. Barbie panties, Bumble Bee panties and the panties that matched her dress. That's fine. You can wear as many panties as you want. I can't remember when I've worn more than one pair but *shrug* maybe I'll try it out. This was actually a good trip. Kara wasn't screaming to get down and walk, she didn't say any cuss words and she didn't call anyone Harry Potter. But please, anyone that works at a store that sells balloons, do not let them float at the checkout register. Especially if they look like penguins. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. In some children this will cause them scream really loud: "PEEEEENNNNN------GGGGGUUUUNNNNNNNZZZZZZZZZ!" It can be frightening to other children who didn't see it floating there! And another thing that's happened to me a few different times in various stores..
If I say I need a pack of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights, I do not need to hear you say "Oh darn I can't find them. I don't know anything about them because I don't smoke." I don't give two shits if you smoke or not. If you work in a store that sells cigarettes, then you should KNOW where they are. I am not paid to point you in the general direction of the green pack on the end.

If I say I need a pack of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights, I do not need to hear you say "Now, do you NEED them or just WANT them?" If I say I need them, then I fucking need them. It's that simple. Just keep your mouth shut and hand them over.

If I say I need a pack of Marlboro Menthol Ultra Lights, I do not need to hear you say "You're ID looks nothing like you." I already fucking know that! It's called hair-dye and FAT. Big fucking deal.

I think maybe another reason she was so good and quiet in Walmart was because when we were walking to the car, we saw one of Mom's dead baby kitties in the driveway. If I had to guess, the little guy was hitching a ride under the truck, jumped out scared and got run over by the tire. Quite tragic. Anyway, she wanted to touch it and I wouldn't let her because it was dead. So I got a trash bag and scooped the poor little guy up in it and moved him to the shade. She kept telling me to go back and get it. We left it there while we went to town. We ended up in the trash bag section in the store and she pointed at the bags and said "Dead baby kitty." and pouted. Poor kid. I thought she'd learn what death was when I let her touch that dead fish a few months back. I'd rather her learn about death early so she won't be so disappointed when she's 5 and wondering what the fuck happened to her puppy that died of parvo. Yes, I expect her to be saying "what the fuck" when she's 5.

30 minutes later...
I just got back inside. Mom came knocking on the door and telling me that the other baby kitty was hung in her truck and needed help getting it out. We walked all the way down the driveway to her truck and there was the little yellow kitty cowering in the front of her truck between the fan guard and the fender well. He was hung under a little metal bar. I tugged the kitty out while she held up the bar pinning him down. He was fine. Poor little guy rode all the way to Jonesboro, sat pinned in the blazing heat for over 4 hours, then rode all the way home. We have named him "Lucky" and he now has 8 lives left.

It's Thursday. It's return movie day. I got Kara ready to go and we headed out to town. She was on the back seat watching that blue penguin on her little dvd player. PEEEEENNNGGGGUUUUNNNNN! teehee She was sitting back there being quiet and good then she said "Eat!". Poor kid was sitting back there starving to death. I had $2 and some change. That's all I had. I was planning on renting The Messengers with that $2! But since Kara was hungry, I decided to spend my only money on a Sonic Wacky Pack for her. She told me 'no hamburgers, cheese sammach' so I ordered her a grilled cheese meal. The whole time I was waiting on them to bring out my order, I was thinking of ways to half up a kids meal so I could eat too. I decided to let her eat everything she wanted and I'd have the leftovers. Again. She likes ketchup. I do not. I put a little bit of it on her plate and she'd take a bite of cheese, eat a fry then get a spoonful of ketchup. Then the fries got pushed into the ketchup followed by the cheese sammach. Then she played airplane with the sammach and smooshed it all to hell and back. One big ketchupy glob. My leftovers were ruined. I picked up the French fry that fell to the floor and nibbled on it. It was a nice meal.

Yesterday was Kara's 2nd birthday. We had big plans on not having a party, just having a little cake if someone wanted to stop by for a bite and a few presents and that's about it. Well, the 'party' started around 3pm and lasted until after 8pm. It was all good though. Kara had a blast tearing into her presents. She got too many stuffed things to name, several books, clothes and a tiny 12" bicycle that she loves to push around. We had cake, punch, chips n dips and cigarettes. Yes, the cigarettes were outside. I can't believe you thought they were inside! What kind of mother do you think I am!?

There are some of the gifts I wrapped up for her. They were lovingly held together with electrical tape and in place of a bow (because I didn't have any) is a bag of chips. They were eaten by her father.

Aunt Chenille, Cousin Ashton, Kara and Daddy playing with a naked baby.

Spongebob?

Kara and Daddy playing with the new laptop.

The blowing of the candles.

I am sooo good at decorating for a party.

Alliance!

Those freakin' booger-bears are disturbing my sleep! As everyone should know, booger-bears are blue and look like the cat. Maybe that's what makes them so darn scary. This afternoon when I was *trying* to get Kara to take a nap was a horrible time. She flopped, played with her toes, played with her doll, played with pillow tags, poked my eyes, pinched my nose, rubbed Mommy's tattoo, knocked on the wall, picked Spongebob's nose, picked HER nose, licked my elbow, gave me about 20 kisses,hugs,eskimo's and noggins then put my head in some weird position where my nose was in her armpit, which surprisingly smelled like syrup, and told me "Mommy touch it armpit!". All that plus some more happened in about an hour of laying there in bed. She tried to sneak off the bed and I sat up and said really quick "WHERE-ARE-YOU-GOING!?" Well, she hollered "BOOGER-BEAR!" then flopped down flat on the bed and was asleep within 5 minutes. Then I'm left laying there wondering where the hell that booger-bear is. Is it on the ceiling like they are in the movies? After laying there thinking about that for a while, I couldn't go to sleep. Just like last night when I was STILL awake at 4am. I was flopping, playing with my toes, playing with my doll... nah! Just kidding! I just couldn't go to sleep. I finally got up at 3:30am and washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I thought about eating some cereal but remembered that I was trying to develop an eating disorder. Yeah, it's going pretty badly. To get to the quick of it, I went to sleep at 4am-ish and got up around 9am. The point of this? I have no idea.

But! If you have a friend or loved one that ever leaves an iPod outside in the flooding rain, there is hope! You can put it in a bag of rice to draw out the moisture! I'm sure silica gel would work better but I had to throw mine away when I kept getting the silica pack confused with my pack of pretzel salt. I get lots of things confused though.. Like that time I took the dog's medicine! Oh I'm sure in about 20 years I'll look back on that day as one of those 'fond memory' days.

And um, I better go cause I have no idea wtf I'm talking about anymore. lawlz

I'm tired of these motherfuckin' ants in this motherfuckin' house.

They are everywhere. I've smooshed a whole army of them to bits while their friends watch. I've squirted dish soap on them. I've sucked them up with the vacuum. I've put little roach motels out for them. I've washed them down the drain. I've sprayed them with Easy-off BAM!. I guess the next step would be POISON. And that is the one I was trying to avoid. I don't wanna spray poison all in the kitchen. That's where we eat and play! Or maybe I can try fly traps.. I've been leaving a few little corner spiders alive to help out in the murder of the ants. They do a really good job but they work slow. Since the spiders have helped, they shall live out the rest of their lives in my corners. Maybe I should but up a little dirt jar motel with free food and water in it and the ants will stay in the jar. Like an open ant farm. I've had one of those before. They lived in a flower pot but eventually killed the flower in it.

Darn. I hear thunder. That means the internet will soon be gone. Da clowdz ar in da ayr blockin' muh 'net.

She went from a sweet face to a boogerbear face in about 2 seconds.

It's oh so hot outside and oh so boring inside. Me and Kara loaded up and headed for the big town so we could find something to do in Walmart. We (she) decided we'd make some shirts. We got the stuff to make a few tie-dyed shirts and some fabric paint for her old white shirts. After she wakes up from her nap, we'll get to dyeing! I did make her a shirt as a surprise though... She wanted a Spongebob shirt but all they have around here are the shirts for big husky boys. And after looking at it, I just might make me one to match! and for 10 bucks you can have one too!

While I'm thinking about it, I read somewhere (atleast I think I read it) that sometimes the best deeds that people do are the deeds they don't boast about but keep them quietly tucked inside and covered with a smile. To the anonymous person that paid to have my Mom's truck fixed, thanks! There is indeed some good left in this world.

Kara made a felt owl! I did the cutting and glued the main body part on and she did the sticking of the smaller owl details. I had to paint black all around the eyes to help hold them on. She had so much glue on them that they wouldn't stick. The red and yellow squigglies are supposed to be feathers and the white blobs are more stars. Lots of fun and the clean up was more disastrous then the actual painting of the owl. Fabric paint + carpet = suck.

Boobs, Injuries, & Dr. Pepper

"One for all five of them."
I laughed so hard.

It reminded me of when I was 14 or 15 and my Dad, who never joked (I didn't even think the man had a sense of humor), showed me a finger condom and told he found my 'calling card' by my window. I knew I didn't have a calling-card because I didn't even know what a calling-card was so I was confused right from the git-go. I knew it was a condom he was holding but I was amazed by it's tininess. And since I always had to have the last word, I asked ,"What? Is it for little boys?" I guess you would have had to have been there. For me it was one of those moments that gave me a hot flash. Kinda like the first time I heard my Dad say "fucked it up".

I'm sorry if I'm raising a future criminal.

While on another trip to Wal-mart today, I noticed Kara had taken her arms out of her car seat straps. I told her she had better put them back on RIGHT NOW or else the cops would get her. Instead of putting her straps back on, she whispers in a loud voice "Hide!". Once before while we were outside playing, she could hear sirens going by. She didn't stop to listen, she started running and hollering "COPS!". Maybe now is the time to limit her television to PBS only and stop her from watching hours of COPS on CourtTV at night with her Daddy.

So I made a new Blood Elf character to play around with a bit and I've been trying to get Kara to like it. I was telling her things like "Ohh Look at his big ears!" "Look! He's so cute!" and she retorts "Mommy.. Bud Effs are NOT cute. Kitty cats are cute. My bess fwien IS a kitty cat!"

I'm trying to kill some time now. Waiting for the road construction to end at 5pm so I can drive to town and buy groceries. I've never been a fan of grocery buying. I can never walk out of that place without spending 200 bucks. and what do I get? A few groceries, varmit food and today, I'll be getting SQUISH if I can find it. Everyday for about 2 weeks that's all I've heard about. Squish squish squish. Yesterday I finally found out what it was. Squish is a octopus. With a hat. Don't forget the hat. and I made a list.  Ok. By the time I get Kara ready, it'll be 5pm and we can go blow more money that we don't need to be blowing. But at least something around here is getting blown.

So walmart didn't have squish... But they did have that neat stuff you see on TV called Moonsand. We got that. Was it a mistake? Well, kinda. It provided about an hour of messy, grainy fun and also survived the night without drying out. It was the most begged for thing this morning when Kara got up. After a half hour of more fun, moonsand met it death. Apparently moonsand + a bottle of vinegar = muddy moon mess.I have it in a little bowl now. Maybe it will have a drying miracle happen. After all, it IS Moonsand.

 

EDIT: I forgot to add this earlier. I haven't been able to say this in 4 years so I'm gonna say it now because if I wait until tomorrow it'll be a lie. I'm sure it won't be the same tomorrow... But I weight 127! Yep. That's what I had to say. So I've lost 11 pounds in a little over a month. Hungry? Yes. The most I've ever weighed? You nosey little fuck! 158. I was pregnant so that really does not count. But it counts to me because I can say "Well, I USED to weigh 158 but now I weigh 127." That sounds better than "Yeah, I lost a couple of pounds." Low fat FTW. or is it FTL? Anyway. I'm just excited now because I know in another month, I'll be saying "Wtf? I weigh 138 again?"

As most of you adults don't know, there's a fairly new program on Nick Jr called Ni Hao Kai Lan. It's like Dora the Explorer in Chinese instead of Spanish. The characters in it are really cute but Kara's not too fond of it. Today, she decided to watch it because it was about snow. Well, Kai Lan was sledding around in the snow when she her talking animal friends came upon a patch of dirt that needed snow so they could sled over it. She called in another talking animal friend to put snow there for her. Pretty lazy, eh? I thought so too. It would have been easy to sled around it. She called in a baby rhino that had a balloon tied to her nose allowing her to fly. Her name was Lulu. Kia Lan said Lulu had a bucket of <insert characters here>. Which translates to the word 'snow' in Engrish. I dunno how they spell it but while I was in the kitchen, I heard "bucket of sheeit".  I asked Kara what Lulu had and Kara said (while grinning) "Bucket of shit."  We got the giggles. Kara finally told me she didn't like this one. She liked Dora because 'Dora don't have shit'. We giggled some more.

I still like Kia Lan though. :)

Nope, it's not Folgers in my cup. Usually the first thing I see in the morning is Kara playing with clothes or making a mess out of something. This morning was a first. I had no idea she was even awake. She can be very sneaky. Then I heard "Mamma look! Turn your head around!" and I did. I got hit with another case of the giggles. Then she said "Mommy I'm pretty!" and I answered with "Prettiest kitty cat in the world." Now that I'm awake, I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to get waterproof mascara off her face. Olive oil maybe?

Caterpillars hatch into raccoons. (I giggled.)

Barbie doesn't have a vagina, only a butt. (This one is sorta true though.)

Cats have babies through the hair on their backs. (No idea where that idea came from.)

A back can be killed then you wiggle around on the ground. (Kinda true.)

Cookie Monster's eyes were eaten off by dogs. (Yep.)

Cages are fun. (For who?)

You can hug a worm until it dies. (Then you put the remains in a 'snake hole'.)

I'll have to think of some more stuff later. These are just things she told me today. Who knows wtf tomorrow holds.

Well it wasn't really cheap, but I think it will do the job.

Ok, not really. It's a new place for the possums to hang out. They've been sleeping in a 30 gallon fish tank but that's way too heavy for my aching back to be picking up on everyday. I haven't gotten it fixed up all the way yet but I'll be working on that when the sun goes away a little. I'm still scared of sunlight. They're growing so fast. I just started them on hard kitten food and ferret berry-things. They go nuts if you put chopped grapes or bananas in their food bowl. For some reason, they've started pooping in the water dish so I put a water bottle in there for their drink and an old bowl in there for the poo.

And yes, I've been messing with my layouts a bit too much these past few days. If you come back one day and can't see a damn thing on here, then it means I messed up Eugene's life again. I'll fix it when I get a chance. Maybe after the dishes. Why won't someone just come clean my house for me? It's ALL I ever do and I want a fucking break. I get no off day. The things I don't get done will get more recognition than the things that I actually accomplish in a day. Hey someone put the curtains back up that got jerked off the wall earlier. wow.

Kara was playing with a Hotwheels tank. I think today was the first day they she ever really wondered what it was. When she asked, I told her it was a tank. "A what?" I tell her again "A tank. An Army tank." and then she asked, "Can I put my arms in it?" 

Everyone loves a good scary story every now and again but when they come out of the mouth of a 2 year old kid, you start to worry. Last night while we were all laying in the bed playing, Kara bursts into story. It was about Bb-eye. That's what it sounded like. It could have been Beady-eye, B.B. Eye, Bitty-eye or anything else that sounded like BB. But ol Bb-eye is white with big brown eyes. He lives in the woods up in a tree and he's bigger than Isaac. (Isaac is a 1/2 lab 1/2 German Shepherd so he's pretty darn big.) Bb-eye likes to kill. He kills baby possums. "kill kill KILL KILL." Why she added that 'KILL KILL' at the end of it beats the hell out of me. Bb-eye also comes in the house and puts dirt on the floor. At this point in her story, I'm imagining this HUGE scary, slobbering thing that looks like the guy dressed up as a monster in The Village. and wondering what I'd do if I woke up the next morning and stepped in big pile of dirt beside my bed. Oh dear me. I was going to put up a link to a picture of The Village guy and my google image search showed me a link to a gaypornvillage. Anyway. At the end of the story, me, Mom and Kara get thrown into the woods by Bb-eye and "we never come back no more". Where do we go after we get thrown into the woods? "nowhere". What do we do? "nothing". It was very creepy the way she told this story. I feel like I can never go outside again without getting 12 inch claws jabbed into my spine then tossed lifelessly into the woods. Speaking of my spine, I'll be going to the doctor in the AM to try to get something else for my back. The drugs I'm on now aren't working anymore. The drugs don't work they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face again. Yep, that's a Verve song.

 Oh, this morning I asked Kara if she made up Ol Bb-eye in her head. She showed me the top of her head and said "No. There's nothing up there. See!"

Today was Kara's first day of pre-school. She's been excited about it all week. I didn't think she was going to be able to go to sleep last night with all that jumping and squealing she was doing. She popped up out of bed this morning with bright eyes about going to school. We got to the school around 7:45am. Since it was the first day, everyone had to meet up and split the kids into classes. Kara was into everything there. Asking fifty questions about where the books were, where was the class, are there swings... You name it, and she asked it. She was very outgoing. When we finally got to her class, all the other kids were standing around with their parents. Not mine. She was rambling. When the parents were leaving, there were several crying kids. Not mine. She gave me a kiss and told me bye-bye. I left. I came home and had 3 hours and 30 minutes to do whatever I wanted. I got laundry done, dishes washed, house partially cleaned and even played about 30 minutes of WoW. By this time, I was ready for Kara to come home. I could pick her up at 11:30am. I left early. Very early. I spent extra time riding around so I wouldn't look like the 'eager' parent picking up a kid. I walked up the class door to get her. What did I see? A whole bunch of happy, smiling kids. Except mine. She had snot and tears everywhere. Her face was beet red and swollen from crying. Her teacher said she did really well all morning until it was time to get ready to go home. Kara was scared her Mommy wouldn't come get her. That made me feel good and bad at the same time. Good because it means my kid really does like me and bad because my kid thinks I'd forget about her.I have GOT to make a mental note to never be late to pick her up. She may have a breakdown.

Up and at 'em!	Out the door!

Of course I had to make a trip to town yesterday. On the way there, Kara told me all about the house she's going to build when she's a grown up. It's going to have two floors. The bottom floor will have hard floors so all of her dogs, cats and birds can stay there and if they pee on the floor it'll be easy to clean up. Smart thinking. She's also going to have a room that's a HUGE salt water aquarium that we can swim in. It's going to be loaded with Nemo fish. On the second floor, there will be nothing but ice for her penguins. Where's she going to build this? Right beside my house. They'll be connected by a door so she can visit me and I won't be alone. This is when I ask her "Why am I going to be living alone?" Her simple answer was "Because I'm going to marry Daddy! DUH!" I think she started feeling sorry for me after she said that because me and Andy could live with her too so we wouldn't be sad. So there's going to be this extravagant animal house connected to my shabby doublewide. Oh and she's going to decorate her front yard with flowers. When I said I'd like that because it would be my front yard too, she told me it wouldn't be. She said she'd tell everyone I lived somewhere else. How sweet. I'll be the hidden mother.

I'm not sure if it's the increased mega-dose of blood pressure drugs I have to take at night or if it's the benadryl/vicodin combo but something is seriously frickin' around with me head.Last night, I had this cut.. No, it huge RIP from the inside of my thigh, around to the back of my calf and ending at my ankle. Come to think of it, that's the same place where I feel nerve pains n stuff. Anyway. It was huge. I didn't want to run to the doctor so I put Elmer's glue all over it. So I now had this bloody, sticky, dirty leg. I think I finally told someone I'd go to the ER to get stitched up soon enough.

The other dreams have just been so weird. I can remember pieces of them during the day but now they escape my mind. I should start making note of them soon after I have them.

What else has happened that I don't want to forget.. Kara had a end of school party. She wanted me to bounce in the jumpers they had. So, I swallowed my pain and did it. One jump and tiny kindergarteners flew all the inside of the bouncer. Fat Mamma's shouldn't get in bounce houses with children. She also graduated kinnygarden and got Student of the Year. There's was  one boy and one girl chosen for this. This means she never got in trouble, passes all of her tests, did all homework and plays well with others. I was so proud of her.

Andy's growing. He still has a whopsided head but hopefully that will fix itself. He can roll over now but usually will just lay there and bitch until someone picks him up. I'm trying to wean him off the boob this month. He's down to three boobs a day. omg it hurtsssss. I figure 6 months is a good enough time to switch to formula.He should have already gotten the benefits/immune stuff from me by now.

Bella got bit by a snake a few weeks ago. It was pretty gross.

I haven't had a dishwasher for ages. I think I miss it. The house is never clean anymore. Andy doesn't want to be put down and it can be pretty painful for me to try to clean and carry at the same time.

My back feel A LOT better but still not great. Sometimes my legs will still go numb but not near as often as it used to. I'm down to 1 1/2 to 2 vicodin a day now. Three on days we have to shop/clean/walk a lot though so it all evens out. Good days are good - bad days are horrible.

I'm finally getting my blood pressure under control. Well, sort of. The doc told me since I'm only 34 (HAHAH ONLY 34!) and weigh 128, that there's probably something else causing the HBP other than just HBP. So, in the next few months, he wants to check for renal stenosis and adrenal tumors. Yay more tests. I'm so sick of doctor. I'm on Procardia 60mg every morning and 90mg every night. It's gone from  170's/100's to 130's/80's. Maybe I'm safe from a stroke for a little while longer.

And that's all I can think of now since Kara decided to come talk to me about her tadpoles having green water and wondering if crabs would eat them. And now she's asking if she can have a fish tank and a hamster to put in her room if she starts to sleep in her room. Boy this girl can talk.